BROKEN

I know. I know it’s been almost two years since my last post.

I have been hitting myself for the longest time because I use to write a lot and I just stopped after the “break-up”. I was doing a lot fo self reflecting and making stupid decisions these past two years but there have been success as well.

By the end of 2018, I finally passed the NCLEX and became a REGISTERED NURSE. I was so determined to pass the test and I did. I stopped drinking, going out and making stupid decisions because I had to think about my future. I was wallowing in depression when I could correct that myself. So I set a schedule of when I was going to take the test and I stuck to a study progrom for myself. Study in the morning, during break at work and also study after work. The only free day I had was SUNDAY. One day out fo the week. To top it off I was also working on another project. I was playing/singing a song everyday for a year for 365 days. That is 365 cover songs. All one minute long. I completed that. It felt great. The end of 2018 felt wonderful.

2019 hit and I was applying to local hospitals. I got an immediate interview and in less than a week I had a job offer. I gave my two weeks notice to the one job I actually love working at. The work environment is wonderful and the people I worked with are like family to me. I felt secure there and right now typing this I feel like I shouldn’t have left but ti was sometthing i needed to do to further my career and advance my knowledge and experience in the nursing field or better “MEDICAL” field.

So mid January 2019 hit and at my new job. I’m happy that I finally am working as a REGSISTERED NURSE. I was assigned to the medical-telemetry ward and almost had a total of 4 preceptors. All different and had ways of doing things but they are all great nurses. MY work hours consists of 12 hour shifts within a week i work three 12 hour shifts and then off for 3 days. Since I’m a new orientee I had more days off.

Besides all the work and everything i finally accomplished something was going on with me. I noticed that my legs were swelling up and I thought that it was because it was from standing up for so long at work. So i disregarded it. Then february hit and I was like okay the swelling is not going away. SO i decided to check my blood pressure. It was high. SO i decided to go on a diet. I decided to take out salt, sugar and oil out of my diet. I also didn’t eat breakfast in the morning and just ate when I had my breaks at work. Ohhh and our breaks were 30minutes. SO I started to eat healthy..kind of. I had fried food here and there. A steak, a hamburger or pizza.

March 2019 hits and I am watching videos on water fasting so I try it. I tried it for five days and my blood pressure actually normalized. But I felt something still different about me. My heart rate was a bit faster than usual. It was almost in the high 90s. Mind you i wasn’t doing any exercise at all.

April hits and my legs are still the same. I’m eating but more fruits, veggies. I know i am not eating unhealthy but still not eating breakfast. My legs would go back to normal once I am not standing anymore and elevate it or finally go to bed. By the end of April i resign from job and start working at a clinic instead.

The pay is less but the work is less and i didn’t get to stand to long or work long hours. Worked from monday to friday from 830-2pm maybe 5pm at the latest.

I noticed my legs were still getting swollen and a new symptom popped up. I was getting tired easily when I was walking and i was also having shortness of breath. This was the beginning of May. Then maybe the second week of May or could have been the first week I started to get a cough. It was a dry cough. I would check my blood pressure and  it was still high. I decided to go on to juicing and eating more healthier. ABSOLUTELY no fried or anything fast food.

The last days of May which were just last week my parents kind of had an intervention with me. I got home from work and then they wanted to check my blood sugar and my blood pressure. My blood pressure was not within normal limits. It was high. I don’t remember what it was but my dad had to give me some of his BP medications to bring it down. Not only that but I felt more swelling on my feet, legs and abdomen and it was getting tiring to walk around. We decided to go to the doctor on a Friday. We went he did his assessments and gave me lasix to take out the excess water. Also he wanted me to do labs and a chest xray. I did a chest xray that day and on saturday, June 8 I did labs. By Monday I got a call that the doctor wanted to see me.

THE RESULTS were not good. My kidneys were not functioning well. But the doctor didn’t tell me to go to the hospital or suggested to go. He just gave a referral to see a nephrologist. The next day my parents and I decided to go to public health to get MEDICAID since I don’t have insurance. I wasn’t feeling well the rest of the day. I was dizzy,lightheaded, my legs were still swollen and it slowed me down to walk and I had shortness of breath. My parents brought me to the hospital where i was admitted for 5 days. Within those 5 days i got a chest  xray, ct abdomen and pelvis, lots of blood work done, got a permacath placement put and had dialysis.

I am 34 years old and on dialysis. This is all on me and I definitely know it. I should have went to get a check up with a doctor but didn’t because I thought that I could take care of it myself. Here I believe in the natural ways of healing our bodies and it doesn’t work n me. I tried to eat healthy, i tried to stay away from meat products. I didn’t drink too much. I didn’t party too much anymore. I was being responsible and I finally even reached my goal of being a registered nurse and this all HAPPENED. I was mad at myself for doing this to not only me but also to my family.

I know my parents were worried and concerned. My mom always asked if I was okay or that we should see a doctor. I told them reasons why i didn’t do it sooner. But what is done has already been done and all we could do is move on.

I have learned so much from this and i basically got a second chance at life. I could have died.  I could have dropped dead at work with a stroke or at home. I have family that I have to take care of and make proud of. I want them to be happy. I hate seeing them struggle.

I fight everyday with my thoughts. Sometimes I ignore. Sometimes I face it. Right now I have to face this road block and get through it day by day. I just have to take care of my mental and physical health.

I’m going to make an effort to write more. If you have made it this far. Thank you for reading.

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