Almost three months have gone by and he says this. The message was from the last guy I was dating and he broke up with me.

I replied back.

We continue texting each other and he says “I need to hang out with you…….then again I’ll probably fall in love with you lmfao”

The conversation turns into how he misses me and that he fucked up. He pushed me away because he was growing feelings for me fast and he was scared. So he had to break up with me and push me away.

I asked him what triggered him to message me and he says he was sitting near a river in Ohio and he realized that he really missed me and that he fucked up.

He wants to try again. I’m half in and half out. I told him straight out that I need him to show me. To show some effort that he wants to be with me. I did mostly everything to hang out with him. I made all the effort. But from the things that I learned the guy has to really who the effort that he wants  you. He will do everything to hang out with you. He will tell you right away that  you are the one for him. That you are a diamond in the rough.

it really took him this break up to realize that I was good for him and that I was the one that got away.

It was awkward. I didn’t know how to respond. I just had to respond honestly and how I felt at the moment. Yes I still have feelings for him and yes I miss him as well. We learn from our experience and our mistakes. We both have grown.

I told him how I felt about everything and he says he will I’m worth it. He wants me back. He wants to correct what he did wrong before.

I spoke to my best friend and sister about it. My sister says let him do everything. He fucked up so don’t even lift a finger. If he wants to hang out..he will ask you. My best friend doesn’t think he’s the one for me and that I want to settle. But she supports whatever decision I make.

He asked to hang out when he gets back and I told him my only free day was Saturday. Then tells me he has a party to attend and to come over to his place after 5 so that we could go swimming.

We are going to take things slow. I don’t know how he will be when he gets back. I mean he is somewhere else and on vacation. He’s thoughts and feelings could change. So we will see. Everything is just text to me. It doesn’t mean anything if I don’t see the action.

This just brings back memories of the guy I told last year that I loved him and he totally burned me. Stop talking to me. Didn’t even respond back to my message. It was a time when I was down and there were deaths happening and then my father was at the hospital. I just had to tell him how I felt because we have no clue what the next day will bring. I have always been the one to hold back how I felt because I was afraid. I was afraid of rejection and heart break. Well I told him I loved him. He obviously wasn’t ready for that. It pushed him away. It scared him.Maybe he wasn’t ready. I just have to send out my love and let go. I don’t think I have fully let go of him. Which i need to. Because it isn’t healthy. I honestly saw something with him. But it was a dud. It was a fail.

Now I’m in this situation with this guy. I’m scared to go back. I’m scared to forgive him. I’m scared to have my heart broken again.

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